"Get over it"

People who aren’t survivors don’t seem to understand abuse. They hear about abuse and assume “It was just a little touching. It’s time to get over it.” Even if it was just inappropriate touching or comments, it still takes a long time to heal from that. But my abuse wasn’t “just touching”. It was countless rapes and beatings. I can’t just get over it.

Imagine if you were in a car accident and you injured your back. It may cause pain while walking. It can cause hip and knee pain. You may have to see a chiropractor often to realign it. It could take a few years to heal up completely. Now, Imagine if someone saw that you were in pain from that wreck. Imagine them saying “it was just a small wreck, just get past it”. You would be offended, right? They don’t know exactly how much pain you’re in.

This is how abuse is.

It causes pain that could take a lifetime to heal.

The difference is those car accidents are few. Abuse is often repeated. Abuse lives and causes pain in your mind like the injury that causes pain in your back.

Abuse takes a toll. It causes physical, emotional, and mental pain. You can’t just “get over it”. People will tell you that it was too long ago to continue being sad about it. They will tell you that you have to forgive the past and move on. They say that you don’t have reason to still hurt. “Just go to therapy and move past it.”

They get mad when you can’t go out and do certain things because you have been down that day. They will be upset that you can’t go to certain places because it will trigger flashbacks. When you try to explain that to them, their response is “just get over it.”

When I tried to get over it, I began forgetting what happened and had pseudoseizures. Panic attacks ruled my life. It was only when I started to talk about it that the panic and pseudoseizures happened less often. To my fellow survivors, DO NOT listen to those that say that. They are wrong and naive. You are allowed to take as much time as you need to heal.

You do not have to “get over it”.