Some things I have learned while I was gone.

I have been away for my own healing. But I have learned some things in my absence. Some may not seem new, however I am being renewed daily. So here are some thoughts. If you are in a situation like I was in, there is hope. 

There will come someone to save you. There will come someone who loves you.

I know you were told you are unloved. That you are dirty and damaged. But he lies.

You have power, you have strength and courage.

And there will come one to save you. It may take a long time. It took 20 years for me to be saved. But I was rescued. It was hard, it was painful. I did not think I would live to see past my 20th birthday. I thought that I would never be free from my abuse. But I was rescued. You will be too. Know I am fighting for you. I will be here to fight that abuser and his lies. Even now, I still hear his lies. They live with me. But they get quieter. Slowly you will stop believing them. You will feel that you are losing yourself. You will feel those lies as your identity. You will feel lost. But there will come someone who will change the way you think about men. He will take you in his arms. He will hold you. He will give you peace and tell you the truth about yourself. You are loved. You are treasured. You will fight these thoughts with every part in you, but he will prevail. He will show you who you are. You will be so caught up in the lies of your abuser that you will not want to believe the truth. You will hurt. As survivors, we wear our trauma and shame as a badge, we carry it like a security blanket. We feel lost without it. This is something nobody ever warned me about. Nobody warned me that laying down my fear and shame would hurt so bad and that I would feel so confused and lost. Nobody told me that I would cling to it for my sanity. It is painful, but you can do it. You can move on. You are not betraying yourself. You are not betraying your family. You are healing. You will be safe without the weight of the past. You will find family. You will find hope. Christ is coming to bring you joy and love. It is okay to be happy. You do not have to be ashamed of your happiness. Cling to joy when you find it. Talk to your trusted friends about your past. They will hurt with you. This is also something I learned recently. Part of my life that I kept secret for years came to light in a painful conversation, and you know what happened? I felt safe. I felt heard and loved. The sorrow is still there, but it is not as heavy. You are bent in every way, but you are not broken. You are not damaged. You are resilient and you will live on. You will hope again. You will love again. Maybe even the things you lost will be restored. I am still waiting. I am hoping.